Baby shower invites, bachelorette brunches, and couples photo shoots on social media are constant reminders of my singleness while living abroad. During the Thanksgiving holiday, I had a long conversation with an older aunt about dating and relationships. I told her that I’m not on a search for one but if a connection with someone just so happened to fall into my lap, I wouldn’t ignore the opportunity. She responds by telling me how that will never happen until I stop running around the world and get a good job back home where a man can find me. She says that I simply cannot have both .
As a freshly new single woman in a country alone this saddened me.
Would I have to give up my love for travel in order to have a quality relationship? Is my love for wanderlust a recipe for loneliness?
I was bombarding myself with ridiculous questions.
I'm not alone in this discussion. In various travel communities, women have expressed their interest in dating while traveling or living abroad and its difficulties. Language barriers, cultural norms, and even physical preferences are just a few of the struggles of finding a mate abroad.
Some people are ecstatic at the thought of being single out in a new city and ready to mingle and that's perfectly okay too! Being single definitely has its perks but sometimes....it gets a bit lonely. Here a few do's and don'ts that have been beneficial for me during my short and long-term travels.
Check Meet-ups and Facebook events for singles
Attending Facebook events in your city is a great way to not only meet other singles but is a great way to meet friends. Being present in the local community can also make you forget about relationships for a while and focus on having fun!
My current roommate was telling me about the dating game on Tinder and how he’s met women who he’s created great friendships with. Back in America, I saw Tinder as a dating app specifically for sexual relations but abroad it can be used differently (or the same). Think of it as meeting a local who can show you around the city for free because they want to spend time with you. New friends who I’ve met claim Tinder is an awesome resource for not only dating but for life-long connections. Some people have married from meeting on the app while others fostered meaningful friendships (i.e let me crash on your couch). Currently, I’m giving this app a go.
Hang with couples (all the time)
This is the worst thing you can do! Being the third wheel is never fun and can often make you feel worse about being single.
Men and women are everywhere! Having a personal preference is totally fine but if you live in an Asian country and you don’t want to date an Asian, you’re limiting yourself. Allow yourself to try something new and you might be pleasantly surprised.
Food for Thought
I'm not willing to give up what I love to do and what keeps me happy in order to make it easier to find a mate and I don't believe you should either. If you are doing what makes your heart flutter and your soul shout out with joy, you're already in love!! You never know what life has planned for you. You could meet your African prince while vacationing in Cape Town or your Polynesian princess on a cruise to Hawaii, life is wild!
Yes, living in your own country might be a little easier to find a mate, but we’re wanderers and we don’t expect ease.
Just go ahead and listen to this whenever you're feeling some type of way! Sometimes all you need is a dance party and a bottle of wine!
Warning: Tons of inappropriate language
Remy Ma- Conceited
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